MMXI

Happy New Year!

So 2010 is basically in the books. Looking back it was a pretty interesting year for the World as well as for this little Williams family. How was your 2010?

Here’s hoping for an interesting, safe and prosperous 2011 that includes growing closer to God, lots of time with family and friends, graduations (long-awaited), positive (and possibly major) change, acquisitions of new cars, Essendon Premierships, A San Antonio Spurs championship, Melbourne Rebel victories, stability and improvement with the Tennessee Titans, a NSACAR championship for team Roush Fenway Racing, and of course a Wallabies World Cup!! J

God’s Blessings to you as we begin 2011  

CJ2K NO PB WTF?

So yesterday the NFL Pro Bowl line-ups were announced and to my, and probably most football fan’s surprise Chris Johnson – also known as CJ2K after his amazing achievement of rushing for 2,006 yards in a single season last year – was NOT on the roster! What the Fudge?? This I have a problem with, not just as an avid Tennessee Titans fan but as a football fan in general. Allow me to state my case.

The player voted as the starter for the game is Maurice Jones-Drew. Here are his stats. 1,324 yards (4^th), 94.6 yards per game (2^nd), 75 First downs (2^nd), 5 Touchdowns (T23^rd). Solid numbers for a solid little running back. But he is more of a workman-like, first-down getting, tough yard accumulating kinda guy (his longest single carry was only 37 yards) as opposed to an electric, score-from-anywhere, excitement machine like CJ (76 yards on a single run - twice). Some football analysis, who were also shocked to see Chris Johnson get Pro-Bowl snubbed, suggested the fact that his team is placed ahead of CJ’s Titans in the play-off race and the difference in production from CJ this year (1,300+ and 11 TDs) compared to last year’s amazing effort (2,000+ yards and 14 TD’s) may have influenced the voting in Jones-Drew’s favor.  

The other players to make the Pro-Bowl as back-ups were Arian Foster – the league’s leading rusher and rushing TD scorer – who probably actually deserves to start in place of MJD and Jamal Charles – the league’s 2^nd leading rusher and player with the highest yards-per-carry average of 6.4 among leading running backs – who also deserves to be there based on production and excitement value.

But when it comes down to it the most exciting player with the most value to his team is Chris Johnson. The Titans basically can’t win a game without him producing. And produce he did! 1,325 yards (3^rd), 88 yards per game, 8 games with 100+ rushing yards (1^st), 13 times rushing over 20 yards in a single carry (2^nd), 4 times rushing over 40 yards in a single carry (2^nd) with a longest run of 76 yards (4^th), and 11 Touchdowns (T4^th).

Here are the keys stats for all 4 players I’ve been discussing. I’m sure you will agree that most of the stats justify the Pro Bowl merit of the first 3 players in the list.

Player	Games/Started	Yards	Yards PG	Long	20+	TDs
Adrian Foster	15/12	1,436	95.7	74T	12	14
Jamal Charles	15/6	1,380	92.0	80	11	4
Chris Johnson	15/15	1,325	88.3	76T	17	11
Maurice Jones-Drew	14/14	1,324	94.6	37	8	5

But if you’re still not convinced, check out the first video in the link to the right and tell me you don’t wanna see this guy tearing it up in the NFL’s version of the All-Star Game!

I rest my case.

From Mine to Yours

Merry Christmas you Dudes! 


And God Bless
-G

Wal-Martians Attack

So a weird thing happened to me at the local Ooltewah Wal-Mart today. I was busily scanning the aisles for a last minute gift my wife had sent me to retrieve. The store was busy - being 2 days before Christmas and all - and the aisles were fairly crowded. As I walked briskly past each meandering shopper I came upon a guy standing by his stationary cart and a center aisle box display of Wal-Mart cheap crap with a middle-aged, white and obviously over-shopped trolly wielding lady approaching down the center of the aisle from the other direction. 

I passed the oblivious guy and turned fully sideways to slide past the aisle hogging trolly lady and the Wal-Mart crap box without inconveniencing anybody. I actually slid up against the box in an effort to avoid the trolly. I guess the trolly lady was also looking to avoid the oblivious guy, unless she had some other motive for traveling down the center of the aisle instead of giving any additional leeway. In any case as I passed her and her precious trolly I began to turn back to my forward facing position and my hip bumped the handle of her cart. Apparently that was a major problem for this particular Wal-Mart shopper.

“Watch it, idiot” she blurted. 

Being in a hurry and not thinking much of the encounter I kept walking without looking back or acknowledging her articulate pleasantry. Situation over right? One would think.

But No. A few moments and two or three aisles past the scene of the crime I was turning back toward the main aisle after checking something on the shelf and happened upon this delightful woman again. She was standing there by her injured cart with her smart phone out and cocked sideways and was ... get this ... taking a picture of me! 

“Uh yeah, what’s going on?” I queried and began to walk towards her. “Oh so now you pay attention,” she scoffed, before hurriedly completing the image capture and tromping away. 

“Have you got a problem with something” I called after her, but she had speedily traipsed too far down the main aisle for me to hear her mumbled response.

What the heck just happened?  

I have had tense encounters with fellow aisle travelers before since I am from “less-than-polite-combined-with-road-rage” Southern California - which incidentally was one of my first thoughts after she called me an idiot, i.e. deal with it lady that’s how we Californians roll - but why on God’s created earth did she take a photo of me?

Who does that?

Was she going to show my picture to her husband who was then going to wait for me outside the front of the store and expect us to engage in fisticuffs? 

Was she going to send my picture into America’s Most Wanted 

Would I be known henceforth as the Wal-Mart cart Wounder

Was she going to put a bounty on my head

Was she going to start a vicious online slander campaign against me

Was she going to place my picture at the center of her dart board or home punching bag

Or worse ... was she actually a witch who was about to go home and mix eye of nute with some snake eggs and the tears of a leprechaun and put an evil spell on me!?!

But as I left the check out she was no where to be seen and neither was her husband or even the Wal-Mart cops. 

But oh the thoughts that went through my head on the drive back to the house. Perhaps I should have let her pass before proceeding and not tried to run the Wal-Mart shopper gauntlet. Perhaps I should have said “sorry for hurting your Wal-Mart cart and slightly inconveniencing your journey down the aisle this evening ma’m,” instead of ignoring her. Man, I should have said something about her taking my picture. Told her it was illegal to do it without my consent or at least posed and smiled a devious smile to give her something to stu over for the rest of Christmas. 

I don’t usually have such unpredictable or weird encounters with folk from Tennessee. They are usually so polite and friendly. But even my usually tension-defusing Australian accent couldn’t save this situation from getting a little bit too oddball for my liking.  

I guess I will never know why she did what she did and to be honest I hope that is exactly the case. But if you ever see me as the subject of an e-hate website or notice me turning into a toad or something please let me know. The middle aged, white, over-shopped trolly wielding Wal-Mart lady will be the one likely to blame. 

And to her I say Merry Christmas ... Idiot ;)

-G

Alpha Bravo Charlie Douchebags

Today I’m writing to you live from the whisky, country music, NASCAR and redneck filled state of Tennessee. I wish we had traveled here via the latest form of advanced prototype teleporting technology, but alas we had to fly here on a Delta aircraft instead. 

Now I’ve flown Delta several times before and on this same journey from Ontario, CA to Atlanta GA and have usually had a trouble-free experience. In fact based on these generally positive experiences I often wondered how Delta managed to achieve a customer satisfaction ranking in the bottom half of the spectrum when competing with other major US airlines - quite an accomplishment in mediocrity considering the company’s size and market share. However yesterday I was able to experience first-hand a sample of this frustration inducing service. 

It all started with a 2 hour delay on the inbound flight of our plane to Ontario from nowheresville. We were told they had to make an emergency landing along the way - though it was apparently not something wrong with the plane itself as the turn around time was short and we were on the same aircraft. My guess is they found out someone had smuggled a plastic comb into the cabin so they used 3 armed sky marshals to arrest him then re routed the plane straight to Guantanamo Bay to drop him off for a visit ... for the rest of his life.  

In any case the gate agents assured us they would do all they could to help us make our connecting flight to Chattanooga. Stuff like burn more fuel and ride the strong tail wind to get us there in 3.5 hours instead of 4. The flight took off (2 hours late), we fell asleep, the ride was smooth and as fast as they said it would be, and we touched down at 7:50 in the AM. The Chattanooga flight was to depart at 8:25 so I assumed Dunce Delta had come good on their promise to get us to our connecting flight ... but then things took a turn for the blood-boiling. 

A 10 min, 1.5 mile an hour taxi to the gate, followed by a run and a shuttle ride and a another run to the departure gate all the while carrying our two ‘tiny’ travel weary dogs who seemed to gain several pounds in weight with each passing hallway. We arrived at the gate at precisely 8:21am - according to the synchronized airport system clocks -  breathing heavily and believing deep in our souls that we had made it, only to find the door closed and no one at the desk. What The!?! 

They had left ... early?!? In this day and age of frequently late and delayed flights how could they possibly be on time THIS time? Let alone a few minutes early. A trip to the nearest customer service desk only made the temperament see more red. “Oh no one was at the gate, that means they left” was her idea of customer service. “Before the scheduled time of 8:25 and while up to 4 passengers were on their way through the terminal”, I asked. A shrug and a “I’m just trying to help you here sir” was not a comforting response.

To be fair to the good few among them what they had done was preempt the flight arriving too late to make the connection and while we were still in the air pre-booked us onto the next flight to Chattanooga leaving in 2 hours. While that action was appreciated the failure to let us know was not. The running, the pushing past other disgruntled travelers, the stress, all for nothing and totally unnecessary in the end. Thanks but no thanks for that one Douchebags Delta.

Though it all worked out in the end and we made it safely and only a few hours late to Chattanooga the whole ordeal was quite an ... uh ... ordeal. Enough of an ordeal to inspire a ‘United Breaks Guitars‘ (check out the YouTube link to the right) type e-protest. But since I don’t have the musical skills to emulate Dave Carroll’s good work I decided to write a poem instead. This poem is titled ‘Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Douchebags’.

               Roses are red

           Violets are Blue

           Delta is Lame 

           Finis

Take THAT Delta!!   

π + savory filling = Delicious

America knows how to make a mean dessert pie. Think strawberry rhubarb, cherry with a sugary lattice top, velvety pumpkin, rich chocolate cream with all the “fixins”, and of course the literal symbol of all things American culinary – Apple Pie. I don’t know about you but right after writing that I’m glad it’s the holiday season when ALL of these glorious pie variations are in season. And with its rich history in producing first-class sugary baked delights (don’t let the French know I just said that) one would think that America could easily transfer this time and again proven skill to the savory segment of the feast. Wrong!

When it came time for them to apply their pie creation skills to the main course they appeared to give the starting team a break and put the untested 3^rd stringers into the game.

First they limited the ‘play selection’ to 1 variant – chicken pot pie. Then they seemed to further handicap those poor 3^rd string bakers by supplying them with terribly poor quality ingredients and equipping them with lowly consumer expectations. But before I describe the gastronomic disappointment that accompanies the eating of a typical American pot pie allow me to first explain how a quality savory-filled pie should be.

Savory-filled pies were created by the English (as far as I know) and then – as far as this obviously biased unbiased author is concerned – perfected buy the Aussies. Think chicken and veggie, steak and onion, the potato-roofed Shepherd’s pie, cauliflower and cheese, and of course the classic minced meat with heavy gravy. These are pies can be made small enough to feed one or large enough to feed an entire family. They are made with a variety of fine (though sometimes ‘mystery’) ingredients and in a seemingly endless number of creative combinations. But one thing is for certain is they are always, ALWAYS made with the structural integrity to be held in and enjoyed right from your very own hand.

“What?!” says America. That’s not how we make a savory pie. Our pies are made using a pot or bowl to provide the structural integrity that we have no idea how to make no desire for. We select the second-to-lowest recognized quality of poultry off-cuts and toss them into a blend of grocery store rejected genetically-retarded peas, green beans, carrots, and other compost worthy vegetable scraps before drowning everything in a white “gravy” – basically a feebly processed mixture of flour, water, salt and ambiguous chemicals – and baking all of that in a pastry that once cooked exhibits a constancy resembling that of over-handled and water logged Play-Doh™.

MmmmMMm thanks for that unpleasant cuisine contribution America!

But don’t give up just yet America. You still have a chance at redemption. Case in point: the pie-making efforts of my wife and I only last night. I believe we have proven that it is possible to create an edible, nay appetizing savory filled pie within the borders of the US of A.

Exhibit A – The delicious pastries part way through the baking process.

Please note the pie-forming efforts of my admittedly superior culinary skilled but obviously American-born and wife (example labeled 3), compared to those of my baking-novice yet obviously naturally gifted pie-making Australian offerings (examples 1 and 2).

Exhibit B – The obvious structural integrity and general appetizing appearance of the Australian engineered vegetable, cheese and gravy pie that requires no pot or bowl for consumption.

Exhibit C – The inescapable “Aussie-ness” of this savory pie meal, though it be consumed in the heartland of Southern California surrounded by Christmas pageantry.  

Exhibit D – An example of what usually remains once the appetizing savory-filled pie banquet is complete (assuming one even required the use of a plate during the feast) vs. what remains after an attempt to get through a serving of a typical American pot pie.

Not since the last supermarket bought Sanitarium Savory Pie (link) was taken from the shelf and eaten for Sabbath lunch has two Adventists enjoyed a meal of savory-filled pie more than my wife and I last night.

So Come on America. You can do it! My wife and I have shown you the way right from our dinky little kitchen. Jump on board with your Aussie mates and give this savory pie making thing another – proper go.

Oh and … You’re welcome America!

Are you not Entertained?!

As well as spouting all sorts of enthralling personal opinions regarding everything I will also entertain by featuring a variety of videos, pictures, anecdotes and other humorous time-wasting material, because let’s face it … it’s easier to duplicate than be perpetually original.

So, in honor of Bryan’s comment and Dale’s pending followership of this blog I found an excellent quote on sailing that sums the whole thing up for me.

“There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily. ~ P.J. O'Rourke”

In honor of the followership of my eternally ‘westy’ and always amusing mate Nathan “redlion” Taylor – there’s this illustration of cinematographical wisdom to consider (I know he’ll get it).

 

And finally, in honor of followership my engineeringly-learned (it’s my blog … I’m allowed to make up words) mate Matt (aka Smitty) here is an educational video on turbo encabulators. Please do try and follow along.

First Post

G'day Ya'll,

So this is the beginnings of my blog ... officially titled “Grant's Rant”. I think the title is pretty self explanatory

Firstly - acknowledgements for this idea go to my Aussie mate Nathan Taylor (title inspiration), my wife Kirstee Williams [concept initiation], and of course myself (everything else).

What you can expect to enjoy when following this blog is tremendous insight into my thoughts on anything and everything I know a lot about and though provocation from questions/queries I pose on things I know less about. Quite an all-encompassing spectrum I know, but that’s the kind of individual I am. I wanted to be sure we cover all bases as I can be quite an ... overly expressive character. Having said that I'm sure when it comes down to it the vast majority of discussions will focus on the 3 things that most who know me are aware typically illicit the most emotive responses on a day-to-day basis:
Sport – teams and individual athletes I follow
Cars – judgment on the best makes, models, etc. But also how people are supposed to drive them
People – remarkable stories of general human interaction: Grant vs the rest of the world

So if this sounds interesting to you get online, sign up, sit back and enjoy the ride!

-G