America knows how to make a mean dessert pie. Think strawberry rhubarb, cherry with a sugary lattice top, velvety pumpkin, rich chocolate cream with all the “fixins”, and of course the literal symbol of all things American culinary – Apple Pie. I don’t know about you but right after writing that I’m glad it’s the holiday season when ALL of these glorious pie variations are in season. And with its rich history in producing first-class sugary baked delights (don’t let the French know I just said that) one would think that America could easily transfer this time and again proven skill to the savory segment of the feast. Wrong!
When it came time for them to apply their pie creation skills to the main course they appeared to give the starting team a break and put the untested 3rd stringers into the game.
First they limited the ‘play selection’ to 1 variant – chicken pot pie. Then they seemed to further handicap those poor 3rd string bakers by supplying them with terribly poor quality ingredients and equipping them with lowly consumer expectations. But before I describe the gastronomic disappointment that accompanies the eating of a typical American pot pie allow me to first explain how a quality savory-filled pie should be.
Savory-filled pies were created by the English (as far as I know) and then – as far as this obviously biased unbiased author is concerned – perfected buy the Aussies. Think chicken and veggie, steak and onion, the potato-roofed Shepherd’s pie, cauliflower and cheese, and of course the classic minced meat with heavy gravy. These are pies can be made small enough to feed one or large enough to feed an entire family. They are made with a variety of fine (though sometimes ‘mystery’) ingredients and in a seemingly endless number of creative combinations. But one thing is for certain is they are always, ALWAYS made with the structural integrity to be held in and enjoyed right from your very own hand.
“What?!” says America. That’s not how we make a savory pie. Our pies are made using a pot or bowl to provide the structural integrity that we have no idea how to make no desire for. We select the second-to-lowest recognized quality of poultry off-cuts and toss them into a blend of grocery store rejected genetically-retarded peas, green beans, carrots, and other compost worthy vegetable scraps before drowning everything in a white “gravy” – basically a feebly processed mixture of flour, water, salt and ambiguous chemicals – and baking all of that in a pastry that once cooked exhibits a constancy resembling that of over-handled and water logged Play-Doh™.
MmmmMMm thanks for that unpleasant cuisine contribution America!
But don’t give up just yet America. You still have a chance at redemption. Case in point: the pie-making efforts of my wife and I only last night. I believe we have proven that it is possible to create an edible, nay appetizing savory filled pie within the borders of the US of A.
Exhibit A – The delicious pastries part way through the baking process.
Please note the pie-forming efforts of my admittedly superior culinary skilled but obviously American-born and wife (example labeled 3), compared to those of my baking-novice yet obviously naturally gifted pie-making Australian offerings (examples 1 and 2).
Exhibit B – The obvious structural integrity and general appetizing appearance of the Australian engineered vegetable, cheese and gravy pie that requires no pot or bowl for consumption.
Exhibit C – The inescapable “Aussie-ness” of this savory pie meal, though it be consumed in the heartland of Southern California surrounded by Christmas pageantry.
Exhibit D – An example of what usually remains once the appetizing savory-filled pie banquet is complete (assuming one even required the use of a plate during the feast) vs. what remains after an attempt to get through a serving of a typical American pot pie.
Not since the last supermarket bought Sanitarium Savory Pie (link) was taken from the shelf and eaten for Sabbath lunch has two Adventists enjoyed a meal of savory-filled pie more than my wife and I last night.
So Come on America. You can do it! My wife and I have shown you the way right from our dinky little kitchen. Jump on board with your Aussie mates and give this savory pie making thing another – proper go.
Oh and … You’re welcome America!
Well no one could accuse you of not being serious about your food, or your Australian heritage. I would have to agree about the pangs for the now defunct Sanitarium Savoury Pie. Nothing better on a winters day for lunch, than a pan fried savoury pie with peas, sauce and what ever else you desired.
ReplyDeletewell as we had sone South Australians staying with us over Christmas, it seemed fitting we enjoy some classic South Australian fare, in the form of those wonderful things called a pie floater! Essentially it is a meat pie( and sauce) turned upside down, in a bowl of mushy peas. This is the staple diet of this part of the country in winter ( footy season). I have a picture to include, but not sure how I include it in the comment section. Looks like it won't let me - so you will miss out on the visual impact of a perfect pie floater as eaten by the Williams/Fox clan over Christmas/new year.
ReplyDeleteI will email it to Grant, and maybe he can add it in.