Fountain Lady Fail

Watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOBZmNVgOz0

Now, assuming you’re not still laughing hysterically or muttering all sorts of “what-the-hey-is-going-on-there-are-so-many-things-wrong-with-this-situation” rhetorical questions under your breath like I was when I first watched it, please observe my observations on why this whole thing is both hilarious and scary.

Let us revisit some of the classic moments in this interview and break down what in the world wide web is really going on here.

Note that she is comically referred to as “Tumbling Texter” in the lower graphic/banner thingy around the 1:23 mark. Someone at ABC deserves a raise for that witty wordplay.

Fountain Lady (FL): “I fell, I fell … in the fountain, I fell in the fountain” (she said to a “kind lady”, local store manager she says). Let this statement and the event associated with it be known henceforth as Exhibit A.

Cleverly and subtly mocking ABC News Interviewer (CI): “What was so important about this text”? I think we can all agree this is a very valid question.

FL:  “She was just asking me for my birth date and my husband’s birth date. I just said let me text her back, quickly … quickly was that … I was in the fountain.” Gold! Pure, albeit accidental on her part, comedic gold. By this stage I’m laughing and shaking my head and can tell this is going to be a great interview and definitely deserves to be shared the world over.

FL: “Well I’m hoping nobody saw me”. Thank all things humorous that you were gravely mistaken about that hey Mrs. Tumbling Texter.

Soon after we find out she called mall security to let them know she was a mall employee – right after her nephew alerted her to the fact this vide had gone ‘Viral’. So we can fairly assume this secret Mensa member must have known full well that the fountain was there – and had probably been there for some time, but also that it posed a minor encumbrance to pedestrians. I mean, would it be wrong to assume she had probably successfully navigated a path past or around it dozens or more times before this fateful day?!?

FL: “I didn’t get an apology over the phone neither. That wasn’t nice what your people did.” Yeah mall, how dare you build a stationary fountain and expect people to walk around it instead of into it! No, but seriously she is actually referring to the security personnel who a) laughed at the footage when they watched it over and over again and b) thought it was funny enough that it should be shared with the rest of the world – and to them I say thanks mall security for being generous with the amusement, you made our day J

Mall Representative as quoted by the Tumbling Texter: “We’ll try to take drastic measures.” To what, erect excessive signage alerting shoppers to the fact there is an obvious and immovable fountain present!? Educate pedestrians on the perilous dangers associated with unsuccessfully navigating huge static objects by distributing flyers and setting up video monitors all around the mall?! Initiate a massive PR campaign to create public awareness for the barely any many victims of mall fountain falling in the United States annually. Or maybe they just mean they will hire security personnel who have absolutely no sense of humor and without desire to share laughter in the future.

Enter the stereotypical smooth-talking, slick looking, ‘in-all-seriousness’ Lawyer (Tool): “Certainly we intend to hold all responsible parties accountable … certainly requesting an explanation as to how this happened, why it happened …” Umm, I think I can solve this open and shut case for you right now buddy. Firstly see Exhibit A. Then look to your right. Do you see that poor bewildered lady sitting next to you? Ask HER how this happened, why it happened!!

Ok, I do understand he means how and why the footage was leaked to the public. But once again – see Exhibit A, it’s funny stuff and people like to see funny stuff! He continues his boring rant.

Tool: “We suspect that an official within the security office at the mall, uh, viewed the footage and allowed the footage to be videotaped onto a cell phone and it was that cell phone video that ended up being posted on YouTube.” Blah blah blah. Let me tell you what he left out. How much the official probably laughed his arse off when he saw the video for the first time, how many of his mates he showed this to prior to and after “allowing the footage to be blah blah”, and how many thousands of views the YouTube video and all these stupid talk show interviews are going to get – to really drive the embarrassment further.  

CI: “But meanwhile the whole world is watching this on YouTube and television stations, our show.” At least it looks like the supreme irony of showing the footage again and again and asking her questions like “when did you realize you had had a terrible fall” and “what was so important about this text” is not lost on this guy. Yes it is a silly, humorous situation being blown terribly out of proportion and yes, even your show is portraying this way – albeit more subtly than most others.

But this is news not because a poor shopper helplessly fell into a shoddy fountain and sustained an otherwise avoidable injury. This is news because a distracted and incompetent mall pedestrian fell into a fountain, got busted doing so on security footage which was ‘allowed’ to get to the general public (this public ‘leak’ is the focus of the legal BS) and has now experienced – what do they call it – ‘emotional distress/trauma’ from the embarrassment of half the population of the western world seeing how it happened. Embarrassment that will only be viewed by more and more people each time she parades it through a television interview!  

What’s the bet she was going to let it lie after the phone call to mall security until a lawyer with publicity and dollar signs in their eyes approaching her and convinced her to sue?  She was told what an injustice she suffered and what a terrible thing those people who shared the video did and quickly coached on how to emote and what to say during interviews.  

Your honor let the record show I am only making an assumption here and in no way insinuating that any lawyers or legal professionals put her up to it or that they ever act in any way like that at any time ever. Phew, had to put that disclaimer in there in case I get sued for having an individual thought or opinion.

Where was I? Oh yeah, I wish this event were captured on someone’s personal cell phone camera in the first place, then no one could be chasing after the mall or mall employees for any wrongdoing in sharing such a delightful act of stupidity misfortune.

But you know what the mall should do? They should counter-sue her for “misuse and potentially damaging treatment of mall property (a.k.a. the fountain) and for defamation to the reputation of the mall and for trying to sue them over an act of such clumsy stupidity in the first place!

CI: “You did learn a big lesson huh?”

FL: “absolutely, absolutely … um, Do NOT text and walk … especially to the younger generation…” Wow! I had no idea there were apparently millions of teenagers and young adults who are at risk of being unable to adequately operate a cell phone while moving and staying upright. I should think twice next time I glance down at my phone to reply to a text while I’m walking, lest a static object leap out in front of me. Oh wait, I’m 30 now ... never mind L

Here is another take on the situation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0RA9Pw6Z2o

Note the very apt title of this video “Texting Fountain Lady, So Embarrassed that she goes on National TV for her 15 minutes of fame”.

FL: “When I went to work and saw how they laughed and the comments that they made I didn’t think it was funny”. WRONG lady it is hilarious!!! J

CNN Announcer (toward the end of the video): “There was no reason for that video to get out” … umm yes there was … Exhibit A ... and the fact that its HILARIOUS!!!

And here is one final observation. Go back and watch the video again. Notice how many people are visible in close proximity (within “splash” earshot) to the fountain and our friend the Tumbling Texter at the moment of splashdown. By my count there are 5 ... 7 including the custodian in the foreground and the shopper who ambles into view toward the end of the ‘side view’ camera. Now – how many people do you observe even notice anything happened? What does this say about our individualistic and ‘I’m too busy minding my own business’ society.

Nah just kidding … let’s not get all philosophical … it’s just a shame they missed out on witnessing such an amusing moment! ;)