So a weird thing happened to me at the local Ooltewah Wal-Mart today. I was busily scanning the aisles for a last minute gift my wife had sent me to retrieve. The store was busy - being 2 days before Christmas and all - and the aisles were fairly crowded. As I walked briskly past each meandering shopper I came upon a guy standing by his stationary cart and a center aisle box display of Wal-Mart cheap crap with a middle-aged, white and obviously over-shopped trolly wielding lady approaching down the center of the aisle from the other direction.
I passed the oblivious guy and turned fully sideways to slide past the aisle hogging trolly lady and the Wal-Mart crap box without inconveniencing anybody. I actually slid up against the box in an effort to avoid the trolly. I guess the trolly lady was also looking to avoid the oblivious guy, unless she had some other motive for traveling down the center of the aisle instead of giving any additional leeway. In any case as I passed her and her precious trolly I began to turn back to my forward facing position and my hip bumped the handle of her cart. Apparently that was a major problem for this particular Wal-Mart shopper.
“Watch it, idiot” she blurted.
Being in a hurry and not thinking much of the encounter I kept walking without looking back or acknowledging her articulate pleasantry. Situation over right? One would think.
But No. A few moments and two or three aisles past the scene of the crime I was turning back toward the main aisle after checking something on the shelf and happened upon this delightful woman again. She was standing there by her injured cart with her smart phone out and cocked sideways and was ... get this ... taking a picture of me!
“Uh yeah, what’s going on?” I queried and began to walk towards her. “Oh so now you pay attention,” she scoffed, before hurriedly completing the image capture and tromping away.
“Have you got a problem with something” I called after her, but she had speedily traipsed too far down the main aisle for me to hear her mumbled response.
What the heck just happened?
I have had tense encounters with fellow aisle travelers before since I am from “less-than-polite-combined-with-road-rage” Southern California - which incidentally was one of my first thoughts after she called me an idiot, i.e. deal with it lady that’s how we Californians roll - but why on God’s created earth did she take a photo of me?
Who does that?
Was she going to show my picture to her husband who was then going to wait for me outside the front of the store and expect us to engage in fisticuffs?
Was she going to send my picture into America’s Most Wanted
Would I be known henceforth as the Wal-Mart cart Wounder
Was she going to put a bounty on my head
Was she going to start a vicious online slander campaign against me
Was she going to place my picture at the center of her dart board or home punching bag
Or worse ... was she actually a witch who was about to go home and mix eye of nute with some snake eggs and the tears of a leprechaun and put an evil spell on me!?!
But as I left the check out she was no where to be seen and neither was her husband or even the Wal-Mart cops.
But oh the thoughts that went through my head on the drive back to the house. Perhaps I should have let her pass before proceeding and not tried to run the Wal-Mart shopper gauntlet. Perhaps I should have said “sorry for hurting your Wal-Mart cart and slightly inconveniencing your journey down the aisle this evening ma’m,” instead of ignoring her. Man, I should have said something about her taking my picture. Told her it was illegal to do it without my consent or at least posed and smiled a devious smile to give her something to stu over for the rest of Christmas.
I don’t usually have such unpredictable or weird encounters with folk from Tennessee. They are usually so polite and friendly. But even my usually tension-defusing Australian accent couldn’t save this situation from getting a little bit too oddball for my liking.
I guess I will never know why she did what she did and to be honest I hope that is exactly the case. But if you ever see me as the subject of an e-hate website or notice me turning into a toad or something please let me know. The middle aged, white, over-shopped trolly wielding Wal-Mart lady will be the one likely to blame.
And to her I say Merry Christmas ... Idiot ;)
-G
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